Damn pissed with my mom now.I know that its mostly my fault that i didn't score well enough to meet her expectations.How i wish this world wouldn't have such a thing like studying or examinations.Its only making the world more complicated.Why do you always think that i don't want to study?Is it because you have this stupid fucked up attitude that i'm the lousiest of the whole God damned family?You never care.Yes,im the most fucked up.I agree.And you gave birth to this little fucked up piece of shit.I thought you would understand.But i was wrong.All those conversations we had only made more misunderstandings.

Why can't you leave me alone?
I must never go back to you.
I must kill myself.

Do what you want to do,
Say what you want to say to me.
I know what you'd like
To think of me.
This is not real,
it can't be real.
This thing I feel...
You're threatening
You're threatening
How can I not hate you, hate you.
How can I not be free, be free.
I know deep down inside,
How God reveals himself.
I know deep down inside,
To know him I must kill pride.
Why do you care so much for me,
What's in this for you,
Why can't selfishness rule you,
Like everybody else?
Let go pride, let go pride.
Cannot deny, cannot deny.
This thing I feel, I feel inside..
I know deep down inside,
How God reveals himself.
I know deep down inside,
To know him I must kill pride...

Living Sacrifice
-threatened-

I finally seen you for who you are.How can i not hate you?How guillible i was to believe you.You liar...I was so blind.But God has enabled me to see.I'm not going to resurrect was has been killed.I'm not going to just let you attack me,i'm going to hit you back,like never before.You are already dead,fallen from all grace.I hate you lord of maggots.I want nothing to do with you.I'm so happy to know that you are going to burn.

Three days of free time,had loads of fun.Saturday started as a normal morning.Wake up,have breakfast,watch cartoons.Its been so long since i watched cartoons.I miss being young.After that in the afternoon,paid a visit to Elizabeth's church in Bukit Timah.It was good.So long since i've been to church.Then took Liz's Dad's van back to woodlands to break.SHE called me,and i said i was in Liz's church and when i told Liz to say hi,she hung up.What's more beef than that?Only danced for 30 minutes then the lights in Causeway all started turning off.We got freaked out and made our way out of the building.

Went out with my family to catch a movie at Plaza Sing.Bought a new cd from Trumpet Praise.God knows i'm so deprived of christian cds.I guess i gave so many out to my friends that im left with so little.Watched The Grudge because of my little bro and regretted watching it the same night when i went to sleep.Later on, we made our way to Marina to have a steamboat barbeque dinner.It sure was good.

Monday was quite boring.We were supposed to meet Jia at ten.But Mikki called me in the morning to tell me to meet at eleven.So i did.Well i think i did,met them at twelve because i went to take my contacts.Made our way to Clarence's house to break and study.It was boring.After that Mikki went to work and we met Tosh for dinner and session.Some new combos to add on for the old ones.Pretty happy.Woot.

Aight,im out.

It's been too long,and all too fast.Just yesterday,it seemed like we were together.That one month,felt like it took a year.I remember your smile and your easy attitude.I remember the whole bunch of chocs that you gave me...I just found out i still haven't finished forgetting you.

The beat resounding in my head,the floor full of dirt.My body had a life of it's own.Everyone else's body i guess felt the same way.Moving,reluctant to stop.For so long,Inertia hadn't had such a big meeting together.This goes out to all of ya'll!

BBoys:

Nic:
Bro,i've seen you go through every little thing life has thrown at you.And you took it directly in the face.Hardly flinching.What was a meeting of strangers about 2 years ago,turned out to be a brotherhood.Its been a tough ride in bboying,but you've improved alot bro!You are truly one with the ground...

Tosh:
Now that i think about it,you are the first person i battled.And it was truly an exchange of experience and style.From then on,the exchange never stopped.It kept going for 7 months.And from that 7 months,we learnt alot from each other.You are a stylist,and don't try to change that.

Kenn:
Mister Ninja.I remember how i got blown away by your headspin and sliced up by your head hollows.It hurt.You inspired me and you led me on a road where i never want to turn back upon.Your bboying is an inspiration to mine and an inspiration to many.Peace...

Clar:
The first person in my whole bboying life to see someone do turtles like nothing.From then on,you suddenly disapeared from the esply scene.And meetign you again,i saw more dope stuff.Head DROPs,coin DROPs,BRAIN drops from too much mass.You had helped me with my spiritual life and provided dope beats.Thanks bro!

DeHui:
You are one perfect student you little *&#@%(*^(* !!First time in my whole life to know someone who studies till 6! #@*&^)^&)*% !! You have some pretty dope stuff!From some disgusting russian holds to nice side freezes!To be honest,i always find you super comical,you can be super serious,but somehow,that seriousness is damn funny.Props man...

Dax:
You are an inspiration to me.How you always persevered on without caring about all the bull thats thrown at you and happens around you.You've improved alot and i'm purely and sincerily impressed.

Jia:
Eh?Put wrong liao...Should be in bgirl section.

Bgirls:

Jia:
Whoa,lets see...where do i start...From elbow airchairs to inverts.What can i say arh?Don't be put down by what Nic says awright?He is joking only.You are very nice to suan though...You can be a very good person to confide in.I see myself sharing with you alot...Thanks for the proper advice and the sharing of good(or bad?) past experiences...!

Jaws:
Wah,the oldest bgirl in Singapore!But still dope all the same.First time i've seen you do rollbacks.Super nice!Your philosophies are simple,but yet,they make lots of sense.Whether they come from quotes or the thought of your mind,they sure are applicable.Jaws,the godmother of Inertia.

Mikki:
The newest in the crew!But yet with a couple of advance moves that are pretty darn good.You were there when i needed help and stood firm by your word.I told you before that i appreciate it alot.And i still do.Thanks mate.

All the best to Kenn,Nick,Clar and Dehui!Do well for your O's!!

Thats all i have to say for today.Later going to Liz's church in Bukit Timah.I'm a little nervous.It's been pretty long since i worshipped in a church.I need a new church and im still asking the Lord to bring me one.Lets see how today goes...

"You have a choice of being one of God's few successes or one of His thousands of failure."

-Dr Edwin Louis Cole

My spiritual up and downs all rolled into my life,and i come to find that it makes me stronger each time I go low and rise again.Each time i rise,i see a part of God that I've never seen before.Its like im just scraping the tip of the iceberg.Each time he brings me through,I see his character being displayed like the stories in the Bible.Provider,friend,father,comforter,judge and there's more to come as i drift further into his majesty.Its a cycle i guess He has made,not only to test our faith but our character as a whole.

Sometimes,we run so fast and so strong.Our bodies may never be strong enough,but we think we can.And we run so fast,without even paying attention to whats happening.Its time maybe for me to take a stroll,all follow the leader.I've just been too full of myself.But i found out i cant do anything but run the wrong way.There's a powerful leader,i guess it's best to follow him.

I remember the vision of 2 years ago.One Sunday night in Christ Church,he came like a thief.My eyes were closed and i listened to my Pastor's prayer for us.I saw a row of soldiers,marching on and on.Then as my 'view point' changed,it revealed thousands more of these soldiers.In my vision,these soldiers looked as if they just came out of an oil painting.These soldiers marched on and on,without displaying much facial expressions.They marched over mountains and walked on water.I never did hear my Pastor's prayer.My mind just totally zoned into the vision.It was like a vacuum.I bet if you screamed into my ear,i bet i wouldn't budge.Then,pop!I was back into reality.Into earth.I never understood the vision.But i guess this vision's meaning is slowly being revealed to me.And it's a vision that i would base my life on.Thats how i really know God is real and not some figment of our imagination.But has anyone wondered whether we instead,is the figment and not God?Perhaps,one day,we shall on find out on the day of death.What this life is really about and how life actually came about.Somehow,I have this gut feeling that there's a 'Bible Part Two' in the next dimension.I guess everything that we know now,will be totally destroyed and a new world with new dimensions will appear.The concept of time will surely diminish since eternal life will take place.We won't have our bodies anymore since we will leave them on earth when we die.Our looks,will it be like our bodily features in our spirit bodies?Or will God take them all away?Our bodily senses,will it all fade away since our bodies will be abandoned....So many questions,but yet these questions cannot be answered in our realm of life and it's boundaries.Somehow,i wonder if we were only supposed to have spirits and not bodies.Since God provided clothing to men in the beginning.Is this clothing our bodies and our clothings but only a decorative piece of cloth?These questions,will only be answered upon death.Maybe death is not such a bad thing after all.I'm not embracing death,but its something that i'm just fascinated by.I don't wanna create any arguements.But thats just a thought of the day.

But right now,Im just gonna continue to try and look towards his face as i proceed with life.If i keep falling,then im just gonna die trying.The battle with the flesh may be just something that i have placed too much importance for.Maybe if i just hand it to him,he will just flick it away.Lets see then.

Its been pretty long since i updated.Nothing much has been happening.Got my new kicks.Looks very "mat-y",but i still love em all the same.Its pretty comfy and its mad light.Didn't really manage to get any new moves or routines.Been too busy to think about it since most of my mind is filled with thoughts about the dumb EOY examinations.

Yesterday went out with the crew.We danced awhile in Causeway,then got chased by the guard as normal.Blew my top at them about not bringing the radio.But i guess there's no one to blame,so i'm really sorry!After that had dinner at the usual table.Been considering whether i should tag our name there.Hehehe...Would be pretty fun to do so...Then went to the library to study.Well,we did study.But we also did take various dumb looking pictures which i think Mikki hosted in her blog.After that went to take a couple of pictures with one another.So fun...I miss my crew so much.

Im still not done with my blog skin so please bear with me.Payce...

I need new kicks!!Its been three weeks(or two?Arghh...) after OBS and i haven't gotten new kicks fer breaking.I'm thinking of getting those super light black kappa kicks and use red laces for it.Im practically dreaming of it.But right now,i ain't in no state to break.My whole body is aching from the flu bug.Shouldn't have battled on saturday,it totally killed my health.Now i cant breathe properly when i walk.Listening to "Lord Jazz Hit Me One Time" by Lords of the Underground.They sure are dope.I feel like grooving to it,but im gonna kill myself by doing that.Argghhh....

My playlist of Black Metal music is increasing.Guess i should stop here.It's not that healthy.I just like the music thats all.

Gonna meet Jia Qi and Nick for dinner later!Weee....I can't wait!But i can't eat anything else except porridge...Yay. Then maybe,just maybe,get my new kicks!

Can some people help me download Souls Of Mischief's songs?I miss their beats...Someone with some P2P proggie...Help me pls!

Todays exams weren't too bad at all.I think i can pull through without too much marks deducted.I'm a lil worried though...I don't wanna retain.I don wanna go to normal academic stream.People keep saying that im slacking.But i ain't.Im studying for nut's sake dammit!!Mr Koh also keep "suan-ing" the Sec 3s.Damn irritating.

I feel no remorse at all.
Because what I've done,
I feel is rightful.
I feel no regret whatsoever.
In fact,
I'm so much happier...


Jia Qi is back already.Still have yet to talk to her though...Hope to meet her as soon as possible.Haha...Holla me back once you see this Jia!

I'm getting worse.My condition.From a little cough to a killer flu...argh.

Yesterdays battle was fun...Hope all beef is settled already.Its a drag to see this kinda shit happening.We are all in the same culture yet within our similarities lies many differences.Mad props to both sides anyway...Peace. :)

Im trying to look for a nicer skin,but i cant seem to find any.Anyone know of any sites that provides free dope skins,hit me back...!Thanks!

The Hermit
The Heirophant
The King
The Beast
The Lady

...... :)

Let me just say this:

Don't come and piss me off.
Don't come and give shit to me.I got my own shit to deal with.
Don't misunderstand me.You will regret it.
Don't push me to the edge,thats even worse.
Don't bullshit me behind my back.
and lastly...
don't assume.

I don't like being this.
I don't know what started this....
But i wish everything would be normal again.

I'm trying.
You spoil my attempts.
Don't say anymore....i beg of you.

Update!


Its almost the end of the year and ,of course, end of the year exams are inevitable.Its pretty demanding.I'm so tired...I'm only getting about seven hours of sleep!!Everyone seems to be working really hard except me.I'm scared.

Jia Qi Is Coming Back This Saturday!!My crew really missed her on her trip to Austrailia to study.Can't wait to see her.After this trip back,she won't be back again for another 4-5 years.That's very disheartening.When she comes back,I should be having a shaved head and will be spending days in camp.Talking about the army,im missing Chiro too.Its been pretty long since i've seen him lor.Hope he's doing ok.

I don't really know if this is what i want.But maybe i should not always think about me,myself and I.Maybe i should go for you.Maybe.

I try to forget the past,
but you only succeeded in bringing it back.
I thought you would understand.
You of all people.
I thought you would never bullshit me.
But you did.
You don't give a shit about other people's feelings.
Don't push me to the edge.
Don't.

Hate.
Love.
Its nothing but the underside of love.
Hate would have come from love,
or is it the other way around?
People would do alot for hate,
and the same goes for love.
Its funny how two words,
viewed as worlds apart,
can have the same outcomes.

I'm on the mezzanine floor, never been here before, no, no
It's a lonely place, but a house full of grace
And I'll get to heaven
Yes, I'll get to heaven
I'm at this bolted door, but I'm coming through without permission
If I go they'll say I'm wrong, if I stay there'll be no song
And I'll get to heaven
Yes, I'll get to heaven

If I die,I'll die trying.
I'll never let you triumph.
You are the cause of everything.
You make me feel good,
but good is not the best for me.
Get behind me,
i'll cast you away
and crush ur head with my heels.

Im going for tuition now.I wished i had enough money to buy me those shoes that i want.Argh...

"Tainted Love"

Sometimes I feel I've got to
Run away
I've got to
Get away
From the pain that you drive into the heart of me
The love we share
Seems to go nowhere
I've lost my lightsI toss and turn I can't sleep at night

Once I ran to you
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Tainted love,Tainted love.

Now I know I've got to
Run away
I've got to
Get away
You don't really want any more from me.
To make things right
You need someone to hold you tight
You think love is to pray
But I'm sorry I don't pray that way

Once I ran to you
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Tainted love, tainted love!

Don't touch me please
I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you though you hurt me s
oNow I'm going to pack my things and go
Touch me baby, tainted love
Touch me baby, tainted love
Touch me baby, tainted love

Once I ran to you
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all!
Tainted love
Tainted love
Tainted love

What have I done?This life makes no meaning anymore.What am I gonna do now?Now that my pillars of my last remaining strength has crumpled before me.Blaming me...When the house has no pillars,it crumples into dust.Not as if,this house has anything valuable inside.Its understandable that all has left me.I don't blame anyone.It's no one's fault.Its totally me.I will never blame ya'll.Because i love all of ya'll. :)
I'm trying...Im trying to push every little suicidal thought out of my mind.My hands started shaking recently.Each time i feel sad or angry,it shakes even stronger.To make it stop,i hurt myself.Its like valium i guess.I hate myself.

I found out...That maybe what i need is love.Maybe i can just find someone...Whom i can love,and on the other hand be loved.I've been knocking on her door for quite some time.Maybe i should just give up,and look for another...Since to me,it goes unappreciated.Or maybe just hide it within...

So tiring...Just got back from a session with Inertia.So tired.Physically,mentally,spiritually tired.But none the less,i had fun.Almost gotten my airchairs,pretty happy.But thats nothing compared to the scene.Everyone can do airchairs...I wished i could get to the standard of the King Of Airchairs...Argh.I cant wish...i gotta make it happen...!

I live in a dream...no...
More like a nightmare.
But yet it is on this nightmare that i live on,
feed on,
survive on.
I don't ever want to wake up to reality.
I don't want to wake up to the cage of life.
I don't want to...i really don't....


Nowadays,i find myself blogging more and more.More of all the jargon that i use to escape my difficulty....to escape my life...

Im gonna session later with the rest...Hope i can get something down...
Dax:
I just heard of the news.I'm very sad...oh so sad.I'm sorry if i did anything shitty...but i respect you for who you are.Even though you are out,i still treat you like family.And if there's anythign you wanna talk about,give me a call aight...Love you bro...Peace.

I hope she's ok.As i saw tears down her cheeks...i felt the my heart being torn slowly in two.If everyone is laughing at you while you are sad,im here.I promise i will be...


Searching for the answer....