A little update...

Nothing much has been going down for me...Both in life and bboying.Bboying wise,would be pretty boring since i cant get anything new for both routines and moves.Life?I rather not talk about this pathetic cage that cages everyone the minute we are born.Life is not meant to be this way.Life is not meant to be based on education.Life is about living and nothing else....

I find myself being more and more of someone that i would hate.I'm becoming an anti-christ and i can't really believe it.I wanna walk with God again...but im just so weary and angry with myself.I can't reach up to mine or God's standards.No matter how hard i try...I just can't do it.Im angry with myself...i just cant do it....

"I'm embracing the lightning.
Feeling the power...
Feeling it saturate me until i become the tower of electricity itself.
I strike people down,and laugh out with thunder.
I dwell on pain and hurt.
My breath that once refreshed,
now sucking everything back.
Everything that I gave,
I want back.
But yet,
when it happens,
my tears fall like a storm.
In the middle,the eye,
there is light.
There is peace.
No wind,no lightning.
Just as it was before."






I'm so weary.I really can't carry on.I don't know where to begin...Once again,on my expedition.

"Du kennst den Weg und
Ich bin der Pilot
Auf dieser hauchdünnen Bahn
Zwischen Leben und Tod
Komm mit mir auf Himmelfahrt"

"You know the way and
I am the pilot
on this razor-thin path
between life and death
Come with me on a suicide mission"

You let me go,
far away into the dark abyss.
You thought i had wings,
but you were wrong.
I though you would hang on.
I trusted you,
your grip and your strength.
But you let me go,
even though you were strong.
Now I'm falling.
Seeing my tears come forth from my eyes and
float in midair,
as it falls with me.
I'm covered by shadows...
and i feel the soft but sharp thorns pierce me.
And surround me....
Covers my mouth...
Killing me softly.

My memories flood back into my mind.
The floodgate opens and everything pours back.
The sad,the pain,the joy and the peace.
Each memory stinging me.
Even the good ones.
They inject a trail of poison.
Poison of my memories.
Would it not be good,
if I could just lose all my memories?
And forget everything that existed to me.
Everything i know,
is but merely a figment of my existence.


Or is my existence merely a figment of everything?

I love you,but yet,i cannot find the courage to love.I found out that its easier to love our enemy,and hurt you.Like how i've been hurting myself.I'm sorry God.But it seems i've turned the other way.I hardly mention you in my blog.But this time,i have to say your name.I'm not the one you want Jesus.I can never match your love.I'm not ever worthy of your life.I'm sorry.If there is a chance,i will find you again.

Weeee!Just came back from OBS camp!It was soooo fun!I miss my Watch mates.Everyone of you Shackletons!OBS can really make one get so into nature.I found out how pampered we are.I found out how caved into society and it's rules we are.I was talking to Jireh and Ahravin after the camp in Causeway point,and as we walked past the food stalls,we turned our memories back to the outdoor cooking sessions and how we must cook for oneself.How to count on yourself to survive and not to rely on others.We also found that we were talking pretty loud in the mall,why?Because in the camp,everything was so free.You could shout,scream and laugh as loud as you want and peopl would join in.In the world,if you do that,people would prolly diss you or something.I love the forest,you can practically do anything in there.Seriously everything.The sunset at dinner time was so good.I have never seen anything so beautiful in my life.It made me wonder how the world really is and why nature is so pleasing to us.A natural beauty in the urban nation(Ubin is part of it right?) of Singapore.Quite an irony to me i guess.The stars so clear at night.First time i could actually see the whole of Orion.Usually,all i could see is the belt.A faint sparkle of three stars in a perfect line.But this time,i could see the whole constellation shining like there would be no tomorrow.In the forest,the trees all bind to form one.Like a big family.Branches over lapping one another.Like holding hands together,growing together.All of a sudden,i feel so out of control.I like that feeling,when you cant do anything about everything.And just letting your freedom take charge.The waves in the sea...Slowly but yet strongly pushing to shoreIn the kayak,the sun shining on me.My skin feeling the warmth of the rays as it pushes out the coldness of the early morning.Sitting in the kayak,the waves rocked it like a baby in a cradle.Hypnotising,smooth and peaceful.As i paddled around the island,I realised how small i am and how insignificant i am.I realised the greatness of 70% of the world in that little sea we paddled in.As we slept in our little tents,letting the crickets seranade us to sleep with their humming,i realised that im a guest in their world.Their forest.How i like that feeling.God created all these.All these beautiful things that some fail to see and feel.I just miss it so.In this urban jungle,the trees look so fake yet they are real.The sunset is blocked by all the buildings.The stars are always blocked by the clouds.Sigh...One day,i'm going on an expedition.To travel the world.With a back pack and my pair of legs and arms.One day...One fine day.

Why can't i win?Everyone is fighting the same battle.Why can't I just focus on my sword?Why cant i prove my mettle?I like to ask questions about me,but i never seem to find the answers within my soul,within myself.I've let so many people down.I've let myself down....

Looks like im back with a blog entry.Looks like the computer can be pretty hard to pull away from.The LCD screen.The music.The sound of the keyboard when I'm typing.Its like the computer is talking to me.Argh...Just another weird fetish of mine i guess.

Went to Esply yesterday.Looks like everyone is getting better except for us.The scene is improving but we will always be outcasts for some reason.Went around shaking hands with people before we went home.Turned out that some people kinda hate us for no reason.I can feel it through the type of handshakes.Thats why i like to grip a lil hard on handshakes,because i mean it.I can swear that we have never backstabbed anyone.

Played quite a fool on trains as usual.I guess the thing thats holding Inertia together is that we like to do dumb stuff on trains,playgrounds,shopping centres,lifts and any place thats loaded with unexpecting and naive commuters.Jordan's friend called him and we pretty much hit her up with some dumb accents.I guess the more memorable one is with Dickson,Tosh's 'PLUMP' friend.I used the marfia gangline for the base of the prank.Pretty fun since Tosh told us his particulars.Gosh,did not notice everyone was looking at the three of us until i finished the call.

I'm going overseas to Pulau Ubin for the OBS course.Its going to be pretty daunting yet fun.I cant wait.But its going to deeply affect my learning because im losing a whole week of lessons.Why cant the school put it in the Hols?Thats pretty dumb.Stupid dumb commitee members in school.I'm gonna smuggle in some packs of M&Ms!!Woot.

Would this be the end to this relationship...?To this supernatural connection?Once and for all to sever the silver cord that binds our souls together,scarring both you and me.I found out along the way,that it wasn't you but me.My heart that slowly killed me and embalmed me.Trapping my soul within this rotting body of mine.They wrapped me so tightly in the grave cloth.My eyes bound down until it bleeds.The blood clots my eyesight and i cannot even see your shadow.My ears have been eaten by worms,creating a gory mangy wound.I am forced to hear my own cries and nothing else.The cloth is so thick,i can barely feel your touch,although i know you are embracing me.A perfect being embracing the filthy rotting body of mine.Why are you still loving me the way i am?I want to break loose from stinking cloth,but my heart spins the grave cloth quickly and endlessly,like a black widow spider cold bloodedly trapping a prey.You try to tear it loose,but it happens all too fast.You scrape the thick binds of cloth till your nails tear off.All this for my sake?After all,i was never a good son or servant.I betrayed your love for lust,your faith in me for the power of evil.Maybe i have to stab my own heart and stop its pumping of blood and spinning of grave cloth,before i can be free.But will it work?

Second day towards the end of term 4.I guess i've finally woken up.I actually start listening to many lessons and i'm quite satisfied with it.Finally understand the stuff about chemistry and all its crap.Hmmm...Or maybe i've just scraped the tip of the iceberg.Looks like i have to put in more self revision.Long day in school.Tedious lessons to the end of the school and even when i thought the end of the day finally came,i was put through more physics and chemistry.After that,i heard from Vera that she had lost(or most likely stolen) her discman and digicam.Geez,i hope she is alright.She must be pretty distressed inside even though she sort of put on a brave front of smiling.Really hope nothing bad happens to her and her daddy will understand.Even though i know somehow her dad will blow up.If it comes to be the latter,i hope she instead will understand and take it in her stride.If you are feeling depressed,im just a call away aight?

End of the year exams are coming closer.I cant afford to fail.I must not retain and waste a year of my life.I must push myself.Even if it means studying late everyday.Im losing a week of studying to the OBS camp,and i'm not too happy with it.Guess i have to use this exam as a gauge for O'levels.I must at the very least pass my sciences and get a 15-17 for my L1R4.Have to push!!

This would most prolly be my last post on the blog and the last time im actually using the computer.I've found that the computer can be an evil thing when you are trying to focus on studying and other major factors in life.So this blog would be a pretty long one.

I wanan write some shoutouts to some bboys and people in life.

Inertia

Kenn:
You will forever be respected in my heart as a dope bboy and a good leader for Inertia.No matter what,i won't wanna see u get out of Inertia unless situations really persists so.Don't give up on life so easily like me.Push on and look toward God for help when in times of peril.Peace.

Nick:
You've been my confider and my comforter.I thank you for being there for me and supporting me through plenty of bull that has happened.The incident that both you and i experienced together on opposite ends(PEAR) have brought us so closely together.You are a dope bboy and i respect you in all aspects of friendship and character.Peace.

Tosh:
Saw you through the many steps of bboying.From biting style to creating style.You are dope and i respect you.You have some really dumb jokes and experiences that has moulded you to become one dumbass of a joker(not that its a bad thing).We entered many performances and battles together to the point that i know you when your nervous or hyped up.At both points,its still dumbass funny.

Clarence:
You are the newest member but has roots of bboying to around 2 years.Mad props for being bald and yet doing those damn head-drops.I now know you better and i know you are a very nice person.You are a good christian brother who supports me when im at my lowest.Thanks.

Jia Qi:
Your still very short from my 1 miler.You need to grow.You know i have loads of respect and love for you as a bgirl and as a friend.You have alot of passion for dancing and i totally respect that.You understand family problems because you have experienced them.Just wanna let you know that you are like a sister to me.Peace.

De Hui:
You have improved alot since the first time i met you. You have earned Inertia's respect,and we have earned yours.Dun wear the visor,your hair is seriously ok bro. :)

Jordan(he is in right?):
I've seen you through many times of grieve and joy.I'm sorry that i cannot do anything to patch you up but i can try to add to your joy.You are improving and i'm glad you are.Don't give breaking up...We must perservere!!Just try to lessen a lil blabber aight?

Dax:
I have nothing but respect for you only.You can manage the pressure of family problems and life without flinching much.You have perservered through the many downsides of bboying and i can do nothing but have respect for you.

Jocelin:
You are a very good councillor and you make the best middleman(uh,middlewoman i mean).Whenever there are arguements,you settle it with your wise talks.No wonder people call you auntie!MUAHAHAHA!

Remember to review the 10 reasons you know you are in Inertia guide book!

Friends

Vera:
You prayed for me and talked to me with much care and concern.When i'm at a lost,you make me get back on track.You are a person of whom can do great thigns when emotions lead you.You have seen my worst and still carried on being my friend.Thanks you jumping vegetable.Peace.

Shawn:
You have influenced me in some ways and one is that i can study and listen in class better now.You have unknowingly pushed me to study and score better!All the best in your road to exposure!

Thats all i have in mind for now.All the best in life!

Family
Each one of you have supported me in a way even though at times im not the best person i the world.You believe in me,and i believe in you guys!
We live in many diversities,but in that diversity,we survive as one.
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I guess this is all i have to say.It will be a pretty long time before I blog again and i guess i have to PRIORITISE my time correctly.Giving to Him what i should and giving to man,what i should.Peace and all the best to the people i know having their O'levels.Peace.

Why can i never stay focused?Must this 3 year long torment hold me in chains for more years to come?I can never go deeper.I can never fly higher.My wings are broken...

Body aching,elbow swollen,wrist screwed,knees full of bruises.All worth it for the point of dancing.Its my refuge.I find peace and joy in it.I can express my anger within each step,and joy within each twist.We all strive to be the best,but can we do it?Can i do it?

School is going to start tomorrow.Somehow,i cant wait.I don't know why.Oh well...still got plenty of work not done yet.Imma get it done soon. Wee.

Inertia,everyone work hard aight?We cant be outcasts anymore.

Remember:
-Jia qi-Oct 9
-Floorskillz-

Sprained my neck today.Cant really move it to my left and upwards.Feel like a nut...have to move my whole body to look around.Clarence and kenn can forearm airtrack a round....dopant.I don't really have anything new.Oh well.Jia Qi is super dope now...she coming back soon liao.WOOT!

Tml is gonna be a pretty busy day.Have to head to school for some leadership courses.Then go down to Jordan's new house in Yio Chu Kang a time of fun.Can hardly wait.



I'm still waiting.

Where am i?

I'm getting some serious migraines these few days after what happened after BB on Saturday.This is what happened:

Came back home from BB and lazed on the couch.Was planning to use the computer but my brother was using it.So,i fell asleep awhile and was awoken by my older brother.Soon,i got up and used the computer.I just did what i normally did on the computer.Get online,check mail,etc.And i soon felt ill.Like a got some disgusting flu or something.Went to take a rest.HAd a dream that i was really ill and had fever or something.Just remembered feeling super uncomfortable.I don't know whether it was really a dream or something.

The next day, i felt ok.But i got severe attacks of migraines and headaches.I'm even having it now.I don't know whats happening.I can't walk properly let alone even start dancing.Whats happening to me?First my spiritual life,now this.What gives?I hope i lose my memory and start anew.

Losing my temper really easily also.Im crumbling.I'm sorry for causing any irritance to anyone of whom i had flared up or made some dumbass remarks.

Inertia,cheer up aight...The day of tomorrow will be a brighter one.Just do what you do.And don't do what we should not.Payce.

I must find myself.My identity and my life.I found that im slowly petrifying myself.Scaring myself with my own identity and mindsets.I'm wearing thin.My stoned body is crumbling and cracking.My face is becoming disfigured day by day.People cannot even recognise me.I must find my heart of flesh which is lost within this stone heart of mine.

Arrrgh.I feel so sian in sessions.I cant think of anymore transitions!!And the ones that i have also like bull.Arrr...I always do the same thing.I wanna do something different,but i can't think of anymore.I wanna be like FTC people.All so dope,they are the kind of standard i wanna reach.But it's so hard.I got so limited moves, and i don't wanna bite or anything.I wonder how they do it.Must be super determined....!Seriously mad props.FTC,keep rocking the bboy scene....!!