So this is how you treat friendships.You coil it around your finger...Taking control of everything.And once it becomes sour,you blame the other party.I wasted my heart on you....

Went for sessions on both friday and saturday and the outcome of it all is body aches and pains in the knee,hips and elbows.Oh well,thats all just worth it i guess.Hope Nick is feeling better.He got a fever over the last four days.He keeps thinking that he sucks and stuff....but the whole crew knows that he can rock well.Haven't really made much progress in dancing actually....I'm just so tired lately.

Had breakfast with my family this morning.I enjoyed it so much.I like the feeling that when you wake up,you find yourself tucked into bed...Then you do your morning duties,and head for breakfast with your family.Talking about anything in the world.Politics,religion,jobs and even sex.I don't know,but i really enjoyed it.

Yesterday night,was talking to Jia Qi on the net.We started talking about homosexuality and stuff.How i felt about homosexuality and stuff...I told her that homosexuality is a choice we have to make.Whether or not it seems obvious.Everyone has a choice and thats a miracle that everyone overlooks.Whatever it is,Jia,im behind your back,supporting you!

Everything makes sense,when i look into your eyes.

You don't even care.I give you all my encouragement,care and concern.But you only care about your own feelings.You are a pro at hurting feelings.What more can i say?You don't even have half the decency that i thought you had to respect me as a friend.

Things haven't really been going right lately. Been so tired mentally,emotionally and physically.I try to sleep it off,but i cant even fall asleep.Looks like im tired to even sleep(what pun..!).I don't wanna go back to the past.Or what i was before...but it looks like im losing control of myself.People making me feel more out of place than usual.I don't know...but the things YOU say,really makes me feel shitty.

I need some time for myself.I need to find the Shangri-La within myself.


Mein Herz Brennt

"If I die tonight
What would I do on my last day
I know i'll wake early in the morning
Crack of dawn's last ray
Will probably go for breakfast like I used to do
Fried kuey teow F.A.M and roti canai at Raju's with my boo
And friends from way back
Neighborhood, homies, extended family
Only know me as the same cat
With that shaved head
Rocking cross colours, sneaks the school
Rocking rhymes at back of class
Playing tricks on fools
Then I come back to the crib
Tidy up a bit
Y'all know my room's messy
Though classy
Start arranging my shit
Line up my shoes one by one
Start with Jordans and end with them Airforce ones
Put a post-it on the tongue of each one
With the name of each dun
I think I know my homies and who would want which one
Get on the phone and holler at everybody
It's nearly noon gots to have lunch with the family
I spend the last day, I don't know
Try to do a million other things
Hoping somehow time will slow
I guess what I'm trying to say is
Take everyday like it was your last
And work towards your dreams before you pass
And have a blast while you're at it
'Cos we don't know when we're gonna go
So make the best of it
Just keep it real to yourself
And to all people, if y'all lost somebody before
Remember they'll be to see you

If I die tonight
You know we'll be alright
Just smile for me
Reminisce the fond memories
If I die tonight
You know we'll be alright
Just smile for me
Reminisce the fond memories

Well, if I die tonight
I wonder where I'll be tomorrow
Nobody cry, please push away the sorrow
'Cos I have been the best of man
The best of friends
The best of mum and daddy's last son
The best of anything
Tell Joe here's the last one
If I die tonight
Will I be forgiven
For all the people I've been slackin' with when i was livin'
Those who I've hurt their hearts
Took advantage of and even lied to
Hug you one last time for forgiveness
Yea, I would like to
If I die tonight
Would you feel the loss
Tomorrow would you dial my number by accident
And then suddenly paused
If I died tonight
I wonder who would get to keep my caps and shoes, jerseys
Even my little stuffed crocodile, Coco too
Get my cellphone, message everyone from A to Z
Tell them this ain't Malique
He passed away last night
Pray he rest in peace
If I died tonight
What wouldcha think of my room
When you see blue
Wanted to clean it up this morning
But then I never knew
If I died tonight
What would happen to Tim
How long would it take before she kissed another man
God damn
At fast food joints
Would you still order the same combo meal for 2
Things I wish I knew.."
-Too Phat

I wonder,if i died tonight...will those who hate me,celebrate with wine and beer?Will those who i've let down,will they forgive me?Who would mourn for me?I've led such a screwed up life...Taking people for granted.Being such an arrogant fool.Thats me...sadly...i have to accept who i am.I'm really sorry for being that lil shit in people's lives...Just hope they pity me and forgive me.Im sorry i cant be the person you want,if thats what you want,then you are one big fuck.Because i cant change my nature,my passion and everything that I've tried changing.If its so easy,i would have done it.But its the most difficult thing in life...

Had a battle with Free To Move Crew...Firstly,I wanna say that they are dope and mad props to you guys.Ya'll are good even though you are a new crew.I wanna give someone a finger...Someone in my crew that has no sportsmanship or respect at all.I feel that even Free To Move has that respect and sportmanship there...That fellow,i politely ask u to be more matured.Dont ask people not to diss,and diss other people instead.Thats fucking hypocritical you bitch.Mind my language.I had enough...If your not matured...then at least try to act it.

This single shout out goes towards Amelia:

I'm so heartbroken to hear what happened.I mean...Don't ever give up on yourself.That feeling of emptiness? Something in your heart that burns and creates a sourish feeling...a feeling of mystery and hate for the future.Its the feeling to find the meaning of life.Life in all of its sarcasm,pun,lies,hate,pain...cannot seem to be put into a correct meaning.Everyone thinks that having a life in school then to college and then to a job is a normal life.A life that everyone wants.But what people don't know is that the normal life is NOT exactly the most purposeful life.This reminds me of the samaritan woman that Jesus met.

Jhn 4:7 There cometh a woman of Samaria to draw water: Jesus saith unto her, Give me to drink.
Jhn 4:10 Jesus answered and said unto her, If thou knewest the gift of God, and who it is that saith to thee, Give me to drink; thou wouldest have asked of him, and he would have given thee living water.
Jhn 4:11 The woman saith unto him, Sir, thou hast nothing to draw with, and the well is deep: from whence then hast thou that living water?
Jhn 4:13 Jesus answered and said unto her, Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again:
Jhn 4:14 But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.
Jhn 4:15 The woman saith unto him, Sir, give me this water, that I thirst not, neither come hither to draw.

And you can see that Jesus creates a purposeful life.If you don't assume a God,then the meaning to life is nothing.Life would be equal to being a bum who takes drugs and drinks to fufill his hunger for a life which he thinks should be lived to its max.I really hope that you won't give up on yourself.

Life would be meaningless unless we assume a God.
-Einstein

Mat 7:7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:

I will always be here for you.A call or a message away.Most importantly...don't give up on yourself.Peace.

Its been me.Myself.I.Its been me thats killing myself.Suffocating my soul.Lord,save me from myself.Give me rest.Who i am,or what i am...Lord,you make me a new person.ts prickles into my skin and intoxicates my heart...this endless sin.Rescue me.

I find myself loving another.With the same heart.Let it just remain that way...now and forever.

Here i am.I find my self not being able to sleep because i keep thinking of you.I thought i could forget it all...but it looks like im so wrong.What sparked it off?I don't know.I really wish it did not.Part of me wants to try again,but the other half detests it.I again find myself saying that i love her...Each time i close my eyes,my mind goes back to the time when we were together.I don't hate her,i hate myself for loving her.I know it can never happen....Im not the best for her.And neither will she ever want a loser like me.My studies are shit...and so is my way of dancing.If i could just once,see her, will be so happy wth that.Sigh.

New Start

Looks like its a new beginning.Cut off my hair.Now its short.So everythign can start a new.Change the blog's skin.So everything can start anew.I so wish that i can start anew in the bboying culture.I cant.So i will make myself change.

Had a friendly battle with FTC.Boy...They were so so so dope.Seriously mad props and loads of respect.Sorry Mahmud.I did not mean to bite.I will change.

School starts tomorrow.Sigh...!

Went for a session with the gang yesterday and today.Really deproving.Losing loads of techs and i cant seem to think of any more.I need techs!!Injured my knee today trying to do something stupid.I lay on the floor screaming in pain and the rest just laughed at me.Thanks guys.My knee is so comforted.A big shout out to Dax,Moddie and Jordan.

Dax:I saw the way you tried so hard for your handstand.Mad props!I knew you can do it.I believe in you.

Jordan:Trust in Him awright?God has many different ways to build up a person.I guess maybe God is trying you now.You have to trust in him and not waver!Build your house on the rock and not the sand!Think about it.

Moddie:I once read in a book that loving someone means letting go.At times,love can really get on our nerves but it can also bring the best out of a person.Love is sometimes also abused through many ways.But everytime we get abused by love,we learn to treasure love.Some times,it may not all work out even though its not your fault.Thats when we have to let go.Think about me and Pear.Peace aight.